Snarky Responses Never Sent … Part 2

I was wondering what I should publish as my first article on the newly designed site. I have a stockpile of drafts just waiting for finetuning and finishing up. But a single look at my messages on Twitter and I knew it was high time for another installment of Snarky Responses never sent!

Let’s dive right in, shall we? Sadly enough, I’ve received all of these “gems” in the last week. I simply ignored them, as we are all wont to do when dumb DMs enter our digital space. Though I really had an itchy trigger finger and soooooooooo wanted to shoot of several snarky replies!

Dumb DM: Hey! Thanks for the follow! It looks like you might be a Network Marketer? Want to know how we got 21 sign-ups in the past 30 days? This free training reveals our strategy

Snarky Response Never Sent: I’m not sure what lead you to believe I’m a network marketer. Nothing I’ve tweeted, and nothing in my profile would lead me to that conclusion. And I’m finding it a bit hard to believe you can get me ANY sign-ups from the PAST thirty days?!?! At least not without a time machine!

Dumb DM: Thx for following! If you use Twitter to market your ethical business, enjoy this free 90min Twitter class

Snarky Response Never Sent: My ethical business? What makes you think I run an ethical business. Oh, I know. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t bombard all new followers with spammy links via auto-DM? That MUST be it!

Dumb DM: Tnx for the follow. I recently implemented a twitter strategy that skyrocketed my online business and i wanted to share it with cool people like you. Here’s the Free 61-minute Twitter Training i’m using right now =>

Snarky Response Never Sent: Awesome! Another ridiculous abbreviation of thanks in order to save two whopping characters – yet direct messages don’t have to meet the post restrictions. Whatever! Your training must be so much better than all the others because you couldn’t even manage to clock it in at just an hour. 61 minutes? Sign me up! NOT!

Dumb DM: Hey! If you have a minute, would you mind checking out this page and giving me some feedback? I love criticism, be blunt, be rude (though I won’t complain if you’re positive : P), can’t tell you how much I’d appreciate it. (

Snarky Response Never Sent: It might shock you that I generally charge people to critique their sites and offerings. Who am I kidding? Nothing shocks you! Not even an incredibly dumb automated message! Blunt and rude enough? Remember … you said you LOVED criticism.

Dumb DM: #Thanks for the recent follow Go, much appreciated! Have a great Thursday 🙂 (Want this? The easiest way to grow followers for free – It’s Magical! FREE

Snarky Response Never Sent: Free AND magical? Will it grow me a beanstalk, too? And get me a kiss from a handsome prince. Puh-leeze.

Dumb DM: Hey there Go Creative Go! 🙂 Just wanted to personally say, “Many thanks for the follow, my friend.”

Snarky Response Never Sent: Except it’s not very personal to send an automated message. And we’re NOT friends. My friends don’t send dumb DMs!

Dumb DM: Hey gotweetsgo how you doin? Want a website or blog or app? Reply me or contact me at [email protected] let’s connect on facebook And linkedin For more details visit my website

Snarky Response Never Sent: Seriously? Are you mimicking old episodes of Friends as you “create” these automated gems? And now I have no desire to continue following you on Twitter, so why the hell would I connect with you anywhere else?

And there you have it. Another round of snarky responses I would absolutely love to send. Sometimes it physically hurts when I force myself to refrain. I have no doubt that there will be another installment in the not too distant future!

Snarky Responses Never Sent ... Part 2

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