Take Back Twitter: Ditch The Dumb DM!

A while back I wrote an article about the kinds of responses I’d love to send to ridiculous automated direct messages sent on Twitter. It was, of course, written in my regular tongue-in-cheek, snarky fashion, but I hope it offered up a few truths.

Yet the dumb DMs keep on coming. Not that I really thought one article was going to put a stop to the practice.

Let’s Take Back Twitter!

Maybe if we band together and share some more ridiculous examples, we can slowly turn at least a few of these challenged souls away from making this their response to any new Twitter connection.

Some “stellar” examples from my feed and my responses:

Thanks for the follow. Due to spam/viruses on DMs, I prefer mentions. I don’t reply here. Cheers!

Yet sent to me via, you guessed it, DM!

Welcome & Thanks for Follow. Please Retweet my tweet at: http://twitter.com/reallyannoyingploytohelpmesellyourcrap
Thanks in Advance

Yeah, we just connected. Do you think we could actually say hello and get to know one another before you try to drag me into retweeting your crappy service to my followers. It’s not going to happen, EVER, but at least ease into it. Sheesh!

Welcome to our design world! Let me know if you’d like a website. Send me a message here, or email.

Perhaps you could have taken the 2.5 seconds necessary to verify that we, indeed, are web designers!

Thanks for following. I will surprise you with interesting tweets!

As if everyone else in my feed is an utter moron throwing the same old uninteresting and craptastic tweets my way!

Hi gotweetsgo, Thanks for Connecting, Hope you are doing great. I do website designs for €99. Need one get in touch

Not only couldn’t you take the time to suss out that I’m a web designer, but you also want to undercut my pricing so that you win all of the cheap bastard business! Have at it!

Thanks for following me! I greatly appreciate your support! Have a look at my books at http://www.amazon.com/-/e/BADJUJUSPAMSALE -via @justunfollow

Wow. We haven’t even exchanged names and I don’t know your sign, but you’re already hawking your latest book? Smooth!

Hi Go Creative Go!, Could we partner on gear reviews? https://twitter.com/LamePRCo/statuses/399466066570510336 … or 555-555-5555

Guessing this fellow thinks that because we provide social media services for a bicycle components company, we’re also ready to review all sorts of sports gear. Not so much.

Hi Go, We’ve succumb to G+, mind giving a follow and +1? https://plus.google.com/u/0/+LamePRcopr/posts … Tks!

I’m not impressed that you think I’ll be impressed that you’ve “succumbed” to Google+. Perhaps you should have asked me what I thought about the platform (I’m a fan) before you put the kaibash on me connecting with you there, or anywhere else. Unfollow! Oh, and spell out thanks for pity’s sake. We’re not 13.

Have any stellar examples of stunningly stupid DMs arrived in your Twitter inbox lately? We’d love for you to share with us. And, of course, include the snarky reply you wish you could send in response!